White coat. Heels.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
