I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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