I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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