this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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