and she was petting her beer can
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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