his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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