you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize