based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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