This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
