Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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