So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
