Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm too high and old for this...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
