Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
