I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
