I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
