I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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