what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
