i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
