so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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