the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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