question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
