god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
