We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
