Yo dont text me then not text me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
