I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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