tell your sister to shave her snatch
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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