Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And then he peed in my hair
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