I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
