i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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