I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize