i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
