he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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