Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
