i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
