Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
