my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
do herpes really smell.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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