Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
