mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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