my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
