I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
