could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
