He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
