whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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