do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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