I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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