we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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