he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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