i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize