ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
