I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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