dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize