i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
