ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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