her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize