I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
