we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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