your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
