question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
