If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Mom said you looked used
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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