She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
