I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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