i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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