I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
