I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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