Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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