I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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