are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
