Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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