isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
