she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
