I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
