Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
