32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
